Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login

i want to remember
the rumbling piano baritones
high notes like hailstones--your hands
running soundless scales.

i want the summer seas
november tides
the vineyard overlook, the olive
trees and sunwarmed coasts.

remember
we filled the empty pages
with whole notes and halftones,
oceans and lovesongs.

we lived, we live
inkstained and drowning
through nights thick with words
and days shot with sound.
For Nick.

Another rewrite, another ocean-sounds side effect. The last stanza is iffy... suggestions welcomed with open arms. :heart:
Add a Comment:
 
:iconlaitma:
Laitma Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Student General Artist
Damn, this was just perfect. Loved the rhythmic, weighted feel to this as I read through it, and just, goshdarnit when something's this perfect I just have nothing to say, ok? x:

"days shot with sound", man, what a terrific ending. :heart:
Reply
:icondisrhythmic:
disrhythmic Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013
Oh my gosh thank you so much, dear. :heart: That means a lot. :huggle:
Reply
:icontisserande-d-encre:
tisserande-d-encre Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2013  Student Writer
"remember
we filled the empty pages
with whole notes and halftones,
oceans and lovesongs.

we lived, we live
inkstained and drowning
through nights thick with words
and days shot with sound."

Can't this be more lovely?
That Nick is lucky to have you dedicating him things as wonderful as this.
Reply
:icondisrhythmic:
disrhythmic Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2013
:heart:
Reply
:iconfuzzyhoser:
FuzzyHoser Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Fantastic...but yes, the audio makes it. :heart:
Reply
:icondisrhythmic:
disrhythmic Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013
Thank you so much. :heart:
Reply
:iconfuzzyhoser:
FuzzyHoser Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
A pleasure! :heart:
I love the audio poetry.
(I'm trying to get brave enough to start my own tumblr thingy soon. I've only recorded a couple thus far.)
Reply
:icondisrhythmic:
disrhythmic Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013
Oooh! Let me know if you do, yeah? I'd love to hear. :heart:
Reply
:iconfuzzyhoser:
FuzzyHoser Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Uhh.... [link]

Yeah. :nod:
Reply
:iconfuzzyhoser:
FuzzyHoser Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm working on it. (:
Reply
:iconmrskyoya:
MrsKyoya Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I really enjoyed this and I actually like the last stanza, maybe im missing something....oh well I'm not an expert on this at all, I can't write poetry at all lol.
Reply
:icondisrhythmic:
disrhythmic Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012
Thank you so much! :heart:

I'm sure you could--it's just a matter of practice. ^^
Reply
:iconmrskyoya:
MrsKyoya Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
<3

I don't know, I think some people just have a gift (like you~) and others just dont (like me)~~
Reply
:iconriflight:
RiFlight Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Dizzy and Nick, sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G...

But srsly - Dizzy has a headset!

Now I want one.....
Reply
:icondisrhythmic:
disrhythmic Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012
Nawwww, it's not like that. :P

Get one!
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
oh this is so absolutely lovely :heart: your images are amazing and your voice is like heaven
Reply
:icondisrhythmic:
disrhythmic Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2012
Oh, you're too kind. :heart: Thank you so much. :huggle:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
ehehehhee :love: this is so absolutely sweet! has he read it yet? c:
Reply
:icondisrhythmic:
disrhythmic Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2012
He has. :heart: He loved it, which made me giddy. :la:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I had a minor freakout reading this! :iconexcitedlaplz: so cute!
Reply
:icondisrhythmic:
disrhythmic Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012
Hehehehe. ^^ Shame he's 4,000 miles away, though. :P
Reply
:iconcoloringtherain:
ColoringTheRain Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
ermergerd this completely called out to someone with musically trained ears X3 ~le moi~
Reply
:icondisrhythmic:
disrhythmic Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2012
Ah, thank you! :blush: That's quite the compliment as far as I'm concerned. :heart:
Reply
:iconcoloringtherain:
ColoringTheRain Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:heart: you're welcome!
Reply
:iconpalaeorigamipete:
palaeorigamipete Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Actually: :iconclapplz:
Reply
:icondisrhythmic:
disrhythmic Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2012
:heart:
Reply
:iconpalaeorigamipete:
palaeorigamipete Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
=)
Reply
:iconpalaeorigamipete:
palaeorigamipete Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconclappltz:
Reply
:iconthatlibraryguy:
thatlibraryguy Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2012
This is INCREDIBLE. The description makes everything so vivid and alive! Good mic too :3
Reply
:icondisrhythmic:
disrhythmic Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2012
Thanks so much! :heart:
Reply
:iconnawkaman:
nawkaman Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2012
It has such a wonderful sound to it. I think it's all the little micro-alliteration packed together.

I think there's something just a bit jarring about the first line of the last stanza. I think it's the mix of tense. I know why it's there, but it slowed me down on the first read.
Reply
:icondisrhythmic:
disrhythmic Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2012
Thanks so much! :heart:

Yeah, I agree. It doesn't read very well out loud either. Hmm... I'll see if I can't smooth it out a little. ^^ Thanks! <3
Reply
:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
beautiful per usual.

no suggestions for you other than maybe an 'and' after 'words' for continuity's sake.
Reply
:icondisrhythmic:
disrhythmic Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2012
Thank you! :heart:

Yeah, I think you're right. Will fix. ^^
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:icondisrhythmic: More from disrhythmic


Featured in Collections

Literature by CriminallyNerdy

Writing Poetry Lyrics by ColoringTheRain


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
December 19, 2012
Submitted with
Sta.sh Writer
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
540
Favourites
23 (who?)
Comments
34
×